Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's blow job season.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
