your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
