I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
