Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
