It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
