I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
