My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
