very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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