I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
