I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
