I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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