I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
