Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
