I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Shame - the story of my life.
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