Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
