My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
