I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
