ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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