you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
