R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
