I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
