I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
