I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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