Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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