I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
