she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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