Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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