I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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