YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
