took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
