there's paper in my vomit.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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