she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
