That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
