ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
