Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
