I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
