you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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