Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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