i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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