I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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