update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
