So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
