sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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