After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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