He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
