I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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