ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
