Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
