Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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