It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
