I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
