My boss' voice literally gives me gas
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
