This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The beer is more important than you right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize