you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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