Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
