Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
