Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
