the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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