Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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