So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
