just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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