Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
