I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
