i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
