just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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