just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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