I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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