oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
wow bdsm is so cute
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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