I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
